I recently took part in a blog meme titled ‘How Aussie Are You?’. It was simply meant as a bit of fun, especially since my aversion to sport, meat pies and the outdoors often makes me wonder whether there is something my parents aren’t telling me about my true nationality.
One question, about having an ‘actual conversation’ with an Indigenous Australian, did get me thinking. I think the wording of the question is clumsy, but I have assumed that the word ‘actual’ was used to imply that the conversation was one of substance rather than simply words exchanged with a tour guide, gift shop staff member or other superficial ‘tourist’ conversation.
The question came to mind again when late last week I found myself chatting with a complete stranger at a coffee shop where I was killing time with my two sons while waiting for an appointment.
An older lady was sitting alone at an adjacent table and after exchanging a few meaningless comments, I invited her to join us. For the next 40 minutes I had the most fascinating conversation with this woman as she talked about her younger years as a teacher in New Guinea, her Swedish ancestry and her love of drawing and classical music. Complete strangers, we managed to cover a lot of conversational ground and I was fascinated and inspired by the information she shared about her life story.
What I shared with this woman was an ‘actual conversation’. Not idle chit chat, my aversion to which I have referred to before, but a meaningful exchange of ideas and information. We didn’t get personal – I have no idea of her name, political preferences or religious beliefs for example – but we did engage in a conversation that went beyond the superficial.
We live in such a busy world. We are constantly rushing from one place to the next with minds cluttered with endless ‘to do’ lists and schedules, leaving little time or attention for engaging in meaningful conversation with those closest too us, let alone with acquaintances or strangers. I’m so glad that I took the time to include this woman in our lives, however briefly, and I hope that she went home that afternoon feeling that she had connected with someone as well.
Excluding family and close friends, when was the last time you took the time to have an ‘actual conversation’ with someone? Do you ever strike up a conversation with a stranger at a coffee shop, on your bus or train journey home from work or with one of the mums at school? Do you keep thinks light and fluffy conversation-wise unless you’re with close friends? Do you wish you had more time to stop and smell the conversational roses?
We talk a lot more to strangers now we are living in Broome than we ever did in Melb… part is information gathering, part is because every one is so laid back and friendly that it’s easy to, part is that we’re also more relaxed than at home… and we have met some wonderful people and learnt some amazing stuff. My husbnad was just saying the other day that it’s such a shame we never do thsi in Melb- always too busy or too suspicious. Must try and remember to when we go home.
I often wonder if there is some unAustralian part of me, mainly due to my aversion to things like vegemite, pavlova and lamingtons!
As for conversations, I have a group of friends that I met on the train and started chatting to and now it is a part of my day I look forward to quite regularly. My last conversation was at a party on Saturday night!
Marg´s last blog ..Finally-
Instantly, I kind of thought, ‘Oh I do all the time!’, but when I think about it, it’s more idle chit-chat I guess.
There’s a parent at my sons’ swimming lessons that I had a great conversation about traveling with one morning. So much so, it inspired me to start really thinking about taking the kids overseas again (Hubby has been asking about whether we should again or not yet- the 3yo is kinda putting me off!). But apart from that, I guess it’s mostly chit chat!
Lovely post. x
Jodie at Mummy Mayhem´s last blog ..Parenting Hurdles
Hi Susan, I really enjoy your writing. I had my first real lengthy conversation with an Aboriginal woman recently, mainly because I have moved somewhere with a large Indigenous community. We talked about the way people label us by the colour of our skin or what we do for a living, or even worse, what our husbands do for a living. It was a humbling experience and we parted friends.
This post really speaks to me as I know exactly what you mean. More often than not I don’t have ‘actual’ conversations with people. Just, as you said, light and fluffy conversation.
Often I chat to strangers when out, but it is never of any substance.
I work with teenagers so most of those conversations involve grunts and short syllables … but there are a few students I have had brilliant conversations with regarding history, literature and philosophy. Those are few and far between.
After reading this, I really am going to make more of an effort to actually “talk” to people… I think we do find it difficult to get out of our own heads for too long.. but we really should do so more often.
Rachel´s last blog ..Holiday time-