Thinking Out Loud
1
I’m the New Girl in the (Virtual) Office
1
Monday was my first day on the job with Kids Book Review. The announcement that I was joining the team as a senior reviewer was made on Friday, but I figured that didn’t really count as a proper day of work. I seem to recall that Tania McCartney, the site founder, used the word ‘Squeeee’ in the subject line of one of her emails to me on that day and to my mind that means Friday was more of a celebration ‘Isn’t this a great thing! We’re so glad you’re here!’ rather than a ‘What are you standing around for? Get to work!’ kind of day.
I’ve never really enjoyed the first day of a new job before. All that awkwardness about where to put your stuff and trying to work out if this is a relax-and-make-yourself-at-home or touch-my-coffee-mug-and-die kind of workplace. It’s not always possible to pick up this vibe from an interview.
The advantage of being part of a virtual workplace is that I work from home. My desk can be as messy as I want (because no-one can see it) and I don’t have to worry about the office dress code (because no-one can see me). Win-win.
Given the many advantages of a virtual workplace, I was ready to fire up the computer Monday morning to make a meaningful and worthwhile contribution to my new place of employment. I had my cup of tea, my warm blue furry jumper and a pantry full of snacks. I was ready to go.
Half an hour in I was starting to wonder at my wisdom in starting to work with a children’s book review site as the Christmas season approaches. Christmas book reviews to
plan, reviews for November to finalise, the awesome Kids Book Review Unpublished Picture Book Manuscript Award to get up to speed on. All this while Blogger resolutely refused to let me log on to the site and I had to rally my tech-challenged brain into working out how to juggle yet another email address without going insane.
As Day 2 dawns, I’m still a long way from the synchronised swimming routine managed by the dynamos Tania and Kelly, but I no longer feel like I’m drowning. We’ll call it optimistic dog-paddling for the moment, I think. I’m excited to have the opportunity to work with Tania and Kelly on such a great website and, as always, I’m very excited to have yet another reason to justify the amount of time I spend reading.
What is your least favourite thing about starting a new job? Would you choose to have a virtual workplace if you could?
By the way, make sure you keep an eye on the upcoming reviews at Kids Book Review. There are some great Christmas book reviews on the way in December and maybe even a giveaway or two…
1
Sunday Session: 25th September 2011
1
I’m joining in the Sunday Session meme hosted by Thea of Do I Really Wanna Blog? Thea’s changed the rules since I last took part, but since there now no rules, I guess it won’t matter that I’m following the old pattern of one older and one newer track.
On Friday, I attended a funeral for the brother of a close friend. The service was lovely and it was both heartbreaking and wonderful to see so many people there to celebrate Joe’s life. Joe was, amongst many other things, a musician and the recessional song was a particularly fitting one for him, The Beatles’ While My Guitar Gently Weeps.
It was a beautiful way to end the service and I’m sharing an old and new version of the song here as my small tribute to Joe, a young man who was greatly loved and who will be greatly missed. Vale Joe.
You can join in Thea’s Sunday Session by adding your link to the blog hop list below
1
What Does Depression Look Like?
1I have just posted this at my other blog Living Upside Down, but wanted to post it here too to explain why I haven’t been writing much lately.
- Depression makes you feel like you’re alone in a crowd.
I haven’t blogged much lately. I’ve wanted to, but I just haven’t been able to get organised/haven’t had enough energy/wasn’t quite sure where to start. The past few weeks have been busy and stressful and I was thinking that I would return at the beginning of next week with a fresh start. Then I read The Fear by Sarah at Mum’s the Word and her heartfelt post inspired me to write.
If you had asked me a few weeks ago what an emotional break-down or depression looks like, I probably would have described someone who simply can’t stop crying, someone who is negative about everything or some crazy hysterical woman who flies off the handle at the smallest issue.
In the past weeks, I’ve had to acknowledge that these aren’t the only faces of depression because I am none of these things, but I can no longer deny that I am depressed.
Now that things have reached this stage, I can look back and see all the warning signs. Honestly, the depression itself is a new issue and, because I am dealing with it as soon as it has become a problem, I am hopeful that we will be able help things get back on track without too much trauma. What is more significant is that I have been on the path to this destination for such a very long time and despite the warning signs and despite the times I have told people that everything wasn’t right in my world, I still arrived here. Depressed. Lonely. So very tired and sad. Soul weary.
I’m the kind of person that people expect will simply cope – practical, pragmatic, sensible, no-fuss. I’ve always been organised, a compulsive multi-tasker, punctual, involved. Over the past few years, I have progressively withdrawn from many of my commitments. As I’ve found it harder to keep up with everyday activities, I’ve gradually reduced my volunteer work, removed my name from rosters, helped out less at school. I’ve gone from multi-tasking to barely managing one task at a time.
I’ve also withdrawn from many of my social groups. I’ve never been the kind of person who is recharged by spending time with large groups of people, but I’ve always invited friends around for lunch on weekends or organised morning teas to catch up.. Now I simply can’t be bothered. It all seems like too much work and besides, having friends over would involve more than the general household tidying, right? That sounds like way too much effort.
I think that’s what I resent the most. That things that I enjoy – spending time with my children, writing, spending time with friends, even reading – often feels like too much effort. Don’t get me wrong, the house is still clean and meals are cooked. I even managed to conquer the ironing pile a little while ago. I just don’t seem to be able to organise myself anymore and I struggle to prioritise things so that I can catch up on the backlog of tasks that I have put aside in my mental lethargy.
If I had to explain my depression, I would describe a cloud in my mind. Thinking clearly is an effort. I have always prided myself on being a clear and organised thinker and I guess I more or less define myself by the way I use my mind, so not being able to think clearly has been a big issue for me. It hasn’t just been a loss of clarity, it’s been a loss of self.
I feel very blessed that I have found help quickly and that I have a few good friends who are being incredibly supportive. My children have been wonderful too. I am getting lots of hugs and their love and encouragement has made a huge difference.
I agree with Sarah’s comment in her The Fear post that depression is something that is misunderstood and a topic that many don’t want to talk about or are uncomfortable talking about, especially when it relates to a specific person. I’ve had my share of people giving me a hug and telling me that everything will be okay if I just get a good night’s sleep and cut back a little on my commitments. Unfortunately, no matter how much sleep I had or how few commitments, the cloud didn’t dissipate. I simply became less and less connected to the world outside my family and home.
- One step at a time.
Where to from here? I’m not entirely sure. One step at a time, I guess. I’m clearing some of the physical clutter, which I think has aggravated my mental clutter in recent years. I’m trying to spend some time thinking about what I want to be a priority in my life. I’m spending time in prayer and I’m trying to spend time with the friends who have stood by me and kept me connected despite myself. I’m giving my children lots of cuddles.
My counsellor suggested that I take time each day to do something just for myself, something that would recharge my emotional and mental batteries. I went out to see Bachelor Girl perform on Tuesday night and bought an insane expensive pair of red sparkly shoes (more about that another time), but I don’t want to get caught up in buying things or going out to make myself feel good. What I’ve decided to do is write. I’m going to making writing a priority again, which it hasn’t been for some time. There always seemed to be something more urgent or important or meaningful that needed to be done. Now, blogging and writing will be what I choose to do for myself simply because it is something I love.
I’ve taken the first step.
1
Sunday Session: 17th July 2011
1This post is part of the Sunday Session meme hosted by Thea at Do I Really Wanna Blog. Call in to check out Thea’s Sunday Session post and find a list of this week’s participants. The rules are simple:
On Sundays I pop two favourite songs onto my blog.
An oldie but a goldie.
And a newbie, fresh from the charts, or fresh from the past five years.
But I often break these rules, you can too of course!
My Sunday Session selections this week were once again inspired by a song I heard on the radio. Last week it was Bon Jovi, this week Billy Joel. An 80s weekend playlist on a local radio station included Billy Joel’s ‘You’re Only Human’. I have always loved Billy Joel’s music and several of his songs trigger particularly strong memories for me, both good and bad.
I have lots of favourites that I could choose for my ‘old’ song this week, but since I’m in a rather melancholy mood I thought I would share ‘And So It Goes’. I have always enjoyed this song and used to play it myself back when I had time to sit at the piano without a crowd of children appearing to ask me when they will get a turn to play.
It occurred to me this afternoon that I couldn’t remember when I had last heard of a new release by Billy Joel. I have vague memories of hearing that he was planning to compose instrumental pieces and change musical genre, but I can’t remember the last time I actually heard his name mentioned. Thanks to the wonders of the internet, I found ‘All My Life’ from 2007. Not really recent, but the best I could find at short notice. I can’t embed the YouTube clip, but you can find it here if you want to watch/listen.
Billy Joel’s music reminds me of my teenage years and the first years after I left school. I love the musicality of it. Do you have a favourite Billy Joel song?
1
Sunday Session: 10th July 2011
1I was listening to Bon Jovi in the car today and had to giggle, as I always do, at the introduction to Living on a Prayer. I love the song, but can’t help but smile when I picture the big hair rock band playing the finger cymbals. Somehow they just don’t seem to fit with the guitar riffs and belted out lyrics.
Not surprisingly the finger cymbals don’t feature in the video clip for the song.
And here they are, all grown up. Bon Jovi minus the big hair and shoulder pads (and finger cymbals).
I didn’t get to see Bon Jovi when they performed in Sydney at the end of last year, although I wish that I had. I love listening to them while driving, especially if the kids aren’t in the car and I can turn the volume up much higher than a responsible mother should.
This post is part of the Sunday Session meme hosted by Thea of Do I Really Wanna Blog? You can find all the details for this week’s Session and participants here.
1
Sunday Session: 26 June 2011
1I’m joining Thea of Do I Really Wanna Blog for her Sunday Session.
I’ve been thinking quite a bit recently about how I’ve allowed myself to fade into the background in recent years. I heard the Bachelor Girl song Permission to Shine recently on the radio and the lyrics really fit in with how I was feeling. Thanks to Laura at Rainbow Tatt’s ecently post about seeing Bachelor Girl play at The Basement, I am now following the Bachelor Girl FB page and have discovered that they will be playing in Newcastle at the end of July. Hopefully I’ll be able to get to see them.
For my more recent selection, I’ve chosen Kerrie Roberts song Outcast. Once again, the lyrics really hit home.
You can find out who else is joining in the Sunday Session here.
1
I Just Thought I’d Call To Tell You…
1
My mother often begins phone calls with ‘I just thought I’d call to tell you…’ She generally doesn’t have anything particularly traumatic to share. Often the sentence is finished with something along the lines of ‘…that I’ve run out of milk so you should pick some up on your way over if you want a cup of tea’ or ‘…that your sister and her five children will be here when you call in’. OK. That last one is a bit traumatic.
More than once, she has finished the sentence by sharing a birth, death or marriage notice about someone I went to primary school with and haven’t seen for 30 years. Sometimes she is simply updating me regarding some change to her weekly routine.
Every now and then, she throws me a curve ball that keeps me on the edge of my seat for months come. Three years ago, she called me to say ‘I just thought I’d call to tell you that I have breast cancer. I’ll need to have surgery soon.’ Not quite so mundane or unremarkable. (She is in remission, by the way, after successful surgery).
It’s been a while since one of mum’s serious calls, so I was taken by surprise last night when she called and announced ‘I just thought I’d call to tell you that your uncle was shot in an armed robbery’.
WHAT??!?!?
Not exactly the phone call I was expecting and one that is likely to have me bracing myself for some time to come if Mum launches into her favourite opening line.
It all seemed a little surreal last night. I mean, these kinds of stories are on the news but it never seems to happen to someone you actually know. Who gets shot attending the raffles at their local bowling club? It didn’t really hit me until I saw the story on the morning news where they showed footage of my uncle on an ambulance stretcher arriving at the hospital. I saw that and burst into tears.
Thank you so much to the people on Twitter and Facebook last night who prayed for my uncle while he was in surgery and offered words of encouragement. He is now stable in ICU and will remain there for the next few weeks before being admitted to a general ward.
I’ve been trying to think of a message to send to the men who robbed the North Lambton Waterboard Bowling Club last night, just in case they stumble across this post while Googling news updates. I can’t think of anything to write that could convey the grief and trauma that their actions have caused my aunt and uncle, their children and grandchildren and my extended family. What can you say to someone who thinks that they are justified in trying to kill another human being so that their getaway vehicle can’t be identified?
Instead, I want to send out a message of gratitude to those who quickly dialled 000 ensuring the ambulance officers could get my uncle to hospital so that the surgeons and medical staff could save his life. Thank you to the doctors and nurses at JHH for your care and skills. You are heroes.
1
Take Time to Smile
1In a bit of a funk today. I’ve faffed about and achieved very little. I started the day with a huge To Do List and it remains unsullied by a single checkmark or crossed-out entry.
So for those who, like me, feel like the day has not lived up to its potential, I offer you an amusing picture of a racoon. Don’t say I never give you anything. (This image passed on to me by Kirrily of Sunny Side Up and originally posted on Twitter by @ClemBastow)
You just know he's rubbing his paws together and going Bwahahaha (Source: http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmqajlD00g1qb93jqo1_500.jpg)
1
Sunday Sessions: 5 June 2011
1I have been planning to join in the Sunday Session meme hosted by Thea of Do I Really Wanna Blog? for some time, but never seem to get myself organised on time. No more! Here is my first (but not last) Sunday Sessions post.
Earlier this week, as I was driving through torrential rain, Africa by Toto came on the radio. It reminded me of this awesome a Capella version by Perpetuum Jazzile. I love the rain sounds effects at the beginning of the song.
Desperately trying to find something vaguely modern to tie in with the rain theme, I’ve come up a complete blank. To be honest, my knowledge of recent releases is limited so it isn’t surprising I couldn’t come up with a specific song. Next week I need to work backwards from the modern to the retro I think.
The best I can come up with, stretching the theme to water in general, is Brooke Fraser’s Something in the Water. The kids love belting out the chorus of this one when it comes on the radio in the car.
OK. So I’m off to a shaky start theme-wise, but I promise next Sunday I’ll be more impressive. What songs are making your Sunday Sessions playlist?
1
Taking Time to Stop and Smell the Roses
1
Make sure you celebrate the ordinary, everyday moments (and don't forget to stop and smell the roses!)
The past few months have been difficult for many reasons. There have been issues in both my immediate and extended family, an insane number of school commitments, health issues and that week in February when I thought my brain was going to melt.
I’ve been stressed and unhappy a lot of the time, often because I chose to focus on the negatives rather than the positives and other times because life decided to gang up on me and poke me with a stick.
I had planned to write a post today about shoes (trust me, when you see these shoes you’ll understand why they inspired me) but I’ve postponed that after reading Bronwyn Marquardt’s Come On, Get Happy post at her blog Maid in Australia. Bronwyn’s blog talked about simply enjoying the moment (which you know because you’ve followed the link already, right?) and it really struck me that there is very little that I do in my life where I simply savour the moment (even the things that I really enjoy). Instead of enjoying what I’m doing, I seem to view every action and activity as part of a great big To Do list. Even spontaneous activities lose their sparkle as I mark them off as part of my ‘do things that are spontaneous’ quota.
I’m not proposing that I toss my family schedule and To Do list out the window, but I’m very grateful for Bronwyn’s reminder that it is important to make sure I take opportunities to simply Be and to remember why I have made certain activities a priority in the first place. Playing a game with my children should be a pleasure, not simply another obligation that I mentally check off a list. When I have one eye constantly on my schedule, I’m never really part of what is happening right now, which is a little sad as I’m quite often doing some really cool and amazing things with awesome people.
So, thanks to my new Seize the Moment mentality, I will be positive about the fact that I have to spend tomorrow at my children’s athletics carnival. I will not think about all the work I have to do or the fact that I need to clean the house in preparation for guests who will be visiting on the weekend. Instead, I will focus 100% on cheering for my children in their races and I won’t even think bad things about having to wait around until the very end of the day because my daughter has qualified to run in the girls’ relay team. Well, maybe that’s too much to ask, but I will try to not look like I am thinking bad things and that’s a good start.
What will you do today to seize the moment and make a conscious effort to be happy?
PS Maid in Australia has been chosen as one of the 50 finalists for the 2011 Kidspot 50 Top Bloggers competition. If you enjoyed Bronnie’s post, please make sure you follow the link on her website (or click here) to vote for her.
