I’ve learned something about myself in the past week. I am emotionally unsuited to the pressures of an auction.

For the past eight days (the duration of the Authors for Queensland flood appeal auction) I have stressed and worried and fretted and obsessed over my bids and the items I had donated. This ongoing anxiety culminated in the final hours of the auction last night, as the deadline for final bids was drawing near.

I had a few minor bids in play, which I completely lost track of last night as I fixated on the two items donated by YA author Chris Morphew. I had bid on both the character name and the set of author annotated first edition copies of the first three The Phoenix Files books. As the bids and counter bids gained momentum, I knew I was going to have to consolidate my offers behind one item, but which one? What if I chose the wrong one and then missed out on both? What if someone jumped in during the final minutes and out bid me anyway? What if my computer crashed before I placed my final bid? What if the other bidders were tracking my anxious tweets and gaining useful information they could use to undermine my bidding strategy?

As you can see, my Auction Anxiety blossomed into Auction Paranoia by the end of the evening. At least I wasn’t alone, as Rebecca Newman (Boobook) joined me on Twitter for some late night #AuctionStress tweeting.

I pressed send on my final bid at 20 seconds before midnight, with my laptop and the internet conspiring to give me an ulcer by taunting me with a flashing ‘loading’ message for about 18 seconds. Fortunately, I just made it. A few frantic clicks on refresh and there didn’t seem to be any counter bids sneaking through. A huge sigh of relief and then a brief evil chuckle as my bidding nemesis outbid me by $40 one minute after the auction closed. Bwahhahhahhah.

Thanks to the organisers of the Writers for Queensland auction (Emily Gale, Katrina Germein, Kate Gordon and Fleur McDonald). You have done an awesome job and I can’t wait to see how much your mighty efforts this week have raised for the victims of the Queensland floods. Thank you to all the contributors as well – so many great books and services on offer. It was inspiring to see how many people rallied to the call to donate.

If you missed out, or you would still like to contribute to the fundraising, you can donate directly to the Queensland Premier’s Disaster Relief Fund and/or you can visit the Writers on Rafts website, a fundraising initiative of the Queensland Writers Centre and author Rebecca Sparrow.

As for me, my auction days are over. I’m too old to deal with this kind of stress.